15 Ways to Raise Best Friends

There is nothing quite as sweet as watching your children play together happily. Zoey and Zander have their moments of annoying each other on purpose. But most of the time they are best friends. They like to do things like cuddle, hold hands in the car, play hide and seek and peek-a-boo with each other, laugh hysterically over little things and throw leaves in each others faces.

15 Effective Ways to Help Kids Stop Fighting & Become Best Friends

I grew up with a sister only 18 months younger than me, we were BEST friends (still are). I know what it means to have siblings close in age and I am so happy my kids have that. I was worried about the three year gap, but so far it doesn’t seem to matter. It is very natural for kids to fight and argue, but I do think a little purposeful parenting can help minimize this and maximize friendships built between siblings. Below are just a few things I have done to help encourage my kids to be friends.

1. Teach by Example

Every couple fights now and then, that’s normal. But there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways to fight. Work together with your partner to learn how to fight in a healthy way. Don’t raise your voice, watch your tone and facial expressions, show you love your partner with your body language, despite the fact that you don’t agree on everything. Modeling respectful disagreement for your children is a powerful way to teach them how to do the same with their siblings.

Struggling with this? Read my guide to keeping your marriage strong after kids.

2. Hold Hands Method

Someone else recommended this idea to me and I thought it was so cute. If your kids are fighting tell them they have to sit on the couch and hold hands for five minutes. It actually helps release the tension and gets younger kids giggling too, but usually all you have to do is say, “Hey, do I need to make you guys hold hands?” and then they stop fighting.

3. Use Kindness as a Consequence

My mom always would make us say 5 nice things to a sibling if we had been mean to them. She would listen and make sure everything was sincere and thoughtful. As a seven year old I remember it taking all my creativity to come up with five nice things about my younger brother, I found it easier to just be nice.

4. Hug Time!

Take a tip from trolls! Have your kids hug it out. Have you noticed a pattern in these last three tips? It is important to help your kids replace negative feelings with positive actions. Unlike a timeout, having your child do something kind (like hug their sibling or say nice things about them) can actually help them feel kinder and more loving, and teach them how to act that way.

5. Get Outside

Something about being stuck inside all day can make anyone cranky. Get the family outside every day for at least a half hour. If it is too cold head somewhere indoors that is fun for the family and gets you out of the house. We often go to the playground at our mall for the kids to run around.  It always improves their moods.

6. Time Together

Just like any relationship, sibling relationships take time to grow. If your kids never spend time together chances are high that they won’t be friends. Set aside sibling together time and follow through to make sure it happens.

7. Encourage Mutual Interests

One of our favorite things to do as a family is turn on music and dance. Even Zander gets really into it. Finding things in common to do as a family is a great way to fortify family bonds and help your children become best friends. My mom always would put my sister and I in extra curricular classes together.  That is another great way to encourage mutual interests and ‘force’ your kids to spend time together.

8. Joint Time Outs

Put them on a ‘time out’ together. Leave them alone. Sometimes when you are not right there kids step up to the plate and figure out how to communicate and get along on their own. Time outs together give them a chance to do this. Make sure you are within earshot though, or have a baby monitor on them!

9. The ‘Till you LOVE Each Other’ Method

This is another one from my mom and it is one of my favorites. My mom would make us sit on the couch and she would say we couldn’t get off ’till we loved each other’. She wouldn’t take insincere I love you’s either. Somehow she always knew if we were being sincere or not and would send us straight back to the couch if there was a hint of tension. This one annoyed me so much as a kid, but it always worked!

10. One on One Time

Spend time with each of your kids alone at least once a week. Do something fun and focused totally on them, also use this as a time to talk and see how they are doing. Zoey is only four and Zander is one, but we already do this with them and it is amazing to see them thrive from that individual attention. A lot of sibling rivalry stems from feeling like they have to compete for parents attention.  Doing this can help stop fighting and make your kids feel more secure in their relationship with you as a parent at the same time.

11. Separate Them

Distance makes the heart grow fonder! If your child is really misbehaving separate them from the rest of your kids. Let them know what they will be missing out on since they weren’t able to treat their siblings nicely and had to be separated. For example, today Zoey missed out on watching part of her favorite TV show because she couldn’t be nice to Zander while they were watching together. This separation helped motivate her to be kinder to her brother when she got back.

12. Talk to Them

Have open conversations about why it is so important to make sure your siblings are your friends. A sibling is someone you can always have in your corner, even into adulthood. Be open with them about the relationship you have with your siblings and what you love about it, or what you wish you had done differently.

13. Call Them Best Friends

My mom ALWAYS called us best friends! I think she did it so much that we really just believed it was true. She would say things like, “That makes me so sad to see you treat your best friend that way.” Little reminders like that have stuck with me to this day and had a powerful effect on the way I perceived my siblings when I was a kid.

I have been using this trick when I talk to Zoey about Baby Burgess #3. Recently she has NOT been excited about the idea of having another baby, so I have been talking to her about how a new baby would be a future best friend to her.

14. Be Patient and Calm

Don’t expect your kid to be calm and patient with their sibling, if you can’t be calm and patient in dealing with them. It can be so frustrating when they are fighting over the same thing for the hundredth time, and you are sick of being the referee. But do everything you can to keep that frustration hidden. Like Daniel Tiger says, “Take a deep breath, and count to ten!”

15. Have a Weekly Family Day

We have weekly family nights on Monday. They are something that Zoey really looks forward to because we always do something fun together and end the night with a yummy treat. My parents started this tradition when I was a kid and I still have the best memories of family night. It is a great way to build relationships and create memories at the same time.

Sometimes siblings are best friends naturally, but more often it takes a conscious effort from parents to get kids to stop fighting. Helping your children build a meaningful friendship is a gift they will cherish for the rest of their lives. Friends come and go, but siblings will always be there if they can learn to get along.

How do you get your kids to stop fighting?

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My Boots | Zander’s Moccasins | Zoey’s Boots

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