My Experience With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Today, for Mental Health Monday, I am going to share my personal experience with replacing negative thoughts – or as my therapist calls it, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Before you think this is another ‘change your attitude’ or worse a ‘just choose to be happy instead of depressed!!’ type speech, keep reading. Phrases like those can be harmful. They undermine the experience of depression and anxiety, and inaccurately place blame on individuals. CBT is much different than simply choosing to think happy thoughts. I have personally been undergoing CBT for the past ten months, and it takes a very conscious effort to see results. While it requires hard work, this therapeutic approach has the potential to foster long-term healing for anxiety, depression, and other mental health struggles.

As always, the information in this article should not be considered medical advice. If you are struggling with your mental health, talk to your healthcare provider. Ask them if cognitive behavioral therapy is right for you. The national suicide prevention lifeline is 988.

My Journey Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

I already shared an in-depth article called What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This article will offer a broader perspective based on my own personal experience. CBT involves the process of identifying negative thoughts and consciously selecting alternative thoughts to replace them with. Working with a therapist is crucial in this process because damaging thoughts often feel true to us, making it challenging to recognize them independently.

Together my therapist and I have worked to discover thought processes that do not serve me in almost every single aspect of my life. Each time we discover a new negative belief or thought pattern, my homework assignment is to come up with positive beliefs I want to use as a replacement. Personally, I’ve found great value in writing down my replacement thoughts. Allow me to share a few examples of negative thoughts I held before undergoing CBT, along with the corresponding thoughts I now use to replace them. The numbers correspond to their related replacement thoughts.

Negative Thoughts

1. I will never be able to love my body until…
2. I don’t deserve rest until I am productive enough.
3. I can’t be happy until I accomplish…
4. What will people think of me if I…
5. My pain isn’t valid.
6. Being a working mom makes me a bad mom.
7. People don’t like being around me.
8. I need to maintain relationships with family members who make me uncomfortable because they are family, and it would be rude not to.
9. Nothing I do will ever be enough.
10. I’m trapped in my religion because it is true.

Replacement Thoughts

1. My body is worthy of unconditional love.
2. I am always worthy of the rest my body needs.
3. Nothing I can do will make me more or less worthy of happiness, peace and love.
4. The weight of other peoples opinions is not mine to carry.
5. My trauma is real, I’m worthy of the effort it takes to heal.
6. Being a working mom does not make me a good or a bad mom, I am a good mom because I love my children and work hard to raise them in an emotionally safe environment, I allow them to be their own person and love them unconditionally.
7. I don’t need everyone to like me. I am a good friend and people worthy of my time see my value.
8. I am not required to have a relationship with people who have been emotionally abusive to me, even family members. I am not required to have a relationship with anyone.
9. I’m proud of the things I’ve done and overcome.
10. I am not trapped anywhere. I choose my beliefs. Just because I’ve been told something is true, doesn’t mean it is. I am allowed to use my own intelligence to determine what I believe is right and true.

The negative thoughts I listed were often triggered for me in normal day-to-day moments. For example I get dressed, and mentally judge the shape of my body as I do, or I lay down to go to bed and immediately start thinking of all the things I ‘should have done’ that day. It may seem easy for someone looking from the outside to spot these negative thoughts, but for me, it was nearly impossible. I genuinely believed they were true.

Changes I Have Seen Since Implementing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Replacing these harmful beliefs takes effort every single day, but it’s made a huge difference in how anxious I feel. I used to cry three times a week, but now it’s less than once a month. Panic attacks used to be frequent for me, but they are now rare occurrences. I’ve even made some major positive life changes, like confidently leaving the religious cult I was raised in. I’ve become better at dealing with my anxiety on my own, and overall, I feel happier all the time! The effort I’ve put into cognitive behavioral therapy has been absolutely worth it.

If you think this approach might work for you, there are plenty of online therapy options available for every schedule and budget. I listed my top ten online therapy options here. And if you want more ideas for dealing with anxiety at home, check out 14 Tips for Coping With Anxiety, for ideas that you can implement today.