This is a photo I never shared from when I was exactly 33 weeks pregnant. During my pregnancy I had a hard time sharing photos like this for a few reasons, which I will explain below.
I didn’t love sharing bump photos like this one because:
❈I felt self conscious about the size of my stomach – not because I didn’t like how it looked – I actually love how pregnancy looks on me. Mostly I was worried that when people saw the size of my stomach they wouldn’t believe I really was as sick as I said. How could someone throw up all the time, hardly ever eat, and still gain this much weight?!
❈I didn’t want people to look at me and perceive me as “put together”. My hair and my makeup is done, I’m smiling – all because I wanted beautiful memories of this special time in my life. But internally I felt on the verge of puking 24/7. I felt weak, so weak. I felt anxious and overwhelmed. When you look at this picture you don’t see that, and I was worried photos like this would make me feel even more isolated in my pain.
❈I was so sick it was hard for me to post or share anything. I made an effort to share the paid content. We still had bills to pay, even when I was on bed rest. But personal posts, like a 33 week bump update, often got forgotten.
Making a Change
In 2019 I want to worry less about what people think, and more about what brings me joy. I think it is so easy to get caught up in poor mental patterns. We allow worry, self doubt, fear, selfishness, etc. to cloud our happiness. Barring mental illness, and clinical depression or anxiety, how do you gain a positive attitude and mental state? I think you take a line from Nike, and just DO IT. The second you notice you are feeling crabby or self conscious or doubting, let that be the second that you force yourself to think the opposite. By forcing a positive attitude, even if we don’t believe it at first, we often start to feel more of a positive attitude. Try it. Put on a fake smile and see if it starts to feel real.
I decided to share these pictures – specifically my bump picture – because it brings me happiness. These pictures help me feel more positive and happy.
This picture brings me joy because:
❈It reminds me of the time I created Violet. I worked so hard to do that. It was SO worth it. Read her birth story here.
❈It reminds me how incredible my body is. I felt SO weak, and so sick, yet something in me was strong enough to create a HUMAN.
❈It reminds me that I chose to sacrifice 9 months of my life, knowing full well what that meant for me personally. I chose to endure the pain, because that is how strong my love is for my children. Sacrifice is an incredibly beautiful thing, and it is something I am so proud to have done to bring each of my children here.
❈It reminds me of this moment. 6am at the pool with Zoey, she took the pictures of me in this post. After not sleeping well that night, she had woken me up to swim one last time before leaving Florida. Everything in me wanted to keep sleeping, but her little face popping over the mattress, and that little voice asking me if I wanted to swim with her… It is a moment I will never forget.
❈It reminds me that the most beautiful things often come from the darkest times.
Hope you enjoyed my belated bump post, and my two cents on how to gain a positive attitude and mental state. Let me know in the comments if you have any more thoughts on positive attitude and how to achieve it!
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One Response
Rach, I loved your suggestions about how to positify (that’s a word in my made-up dictionary – go ahead, use it in Scrabble) your attitude and am going to use your wisdom. Sometimes we almost like to wallow in our negative emotions, and that’s so dumb. BTW, Your baby bump is adorable but what came out it is even more so. Is Violet still as sweet and peaceful as ever?