In a world filled with insecurities and self-doubt, it’s common to find ourselves seeking validation from others. We often ask questions like, “Do people like me?” or “Am I enough?” Recently, with the help of therapy, I shifted my perspective. Instead of focusing on whether people liked me, I started asking myself a simple question: “Do I like them?” This shift in mindset transformed the way I approached friendships and taught me invaluable lessons about building self-esteem.
When I stopped asking if people like me, and started asking, do I like them? Here’s what I learned:
- Shifting the focus from worrying if people like you to considering if you like them can positively impact self-esteem.
- Being selective about who you spend time with is an act of self-love and contributes to building self-esteem.
- Making a list of qualities you need in a friendship helps you understand yourself better and boosts gratitude for good people in your life.
- Identifying and valuing your own needs is essential for building self-esteem in friendships.
- Surrounding yourself with friends who add to your life and meet your needs contributes to improved relationships and increased self-esteem.
- Recognizing your own worth and setting criteria for the kind of friends you want empowers you to create a positive and growth-oriented environment.
- Prioritizing your own needs and well-being in friendships is not selfish but an act of self-love.
- Choosing friends who uplift, support, and contribute to your personal growth is crucial for building self-esteem.
In this process, I decided to make a list of qualities in the friends I consider my best friends. It was an exercise that helped me get to know myself better and also filled me with gratitude for the good people in my life, boosting my self-esteem.
The First Step In Choosing Friends Who Help With Building Self-Esteem
If you struggle with insecurities or feeling like you’re enough, I highly recommend making a list of qualities YOU need in a friendship and considering whether the people in your life meet those needs. Building self-esteem starts with understanding and valuing your own needs. I created a list like this and it was very impactful in helping me realize friends who were positive influences in my life.
Just for fun, I will share what my list looks like.
My kind of friends…
- make me laugh
- say I love you all the time
- are also over-texters
- pull me out of my shell
- gentle parent
- are authentic
- are kind
- are ambitious
- invite me no matter how many times I say I’m busy
- call me on the phone randomly
- see me for who I really am
- allow themselves to be seen
- also go to therapy
- don’t need to wear makeup or dress up to be present
- eat dinner at my house
- remember important dates
- also LOVE shopping
- check in on me
- know and love my quirks
- ask awkward questions
- force me to be more social
- are sex positive and not afraid to make sexual jokes too
- tell me about their sex life and ask about mine
- love their bodies and don’t self deprecate them
- are emotionally intelligent
- will have a drink with me now and then just for fun
- can see once a day or once a year, and we always pick up where we left off
What Happened When I Started Being Selective With Friendships:
Since learning more about what I need from friendships, I’ve seen such an improvement in my relationships. The people in my life are there because they add to it, which has greatly contributed to building self-esteem. My mental health has improved significantly, and my self-esteem has grown stronger.
You can’t expect things from friends that you aren’t also willing to give, and I’ve realized as I’ve made this list how much I bring to the table in friendships too. I’ve also realized area’s that I need to work on and improve in order to be the kind of friend I want to have.
Choosing Friendships That Empower You Is Self-love.
Choosing friendships that empower you is a powerful act of self-love and a key step towards building self-esteem. By recognizing your own worth and setting criteria for the kind of friends you want to surround yourself with, you create a positive environment that fosters growth and happiness. Remember, it’s not selfish to prioritize your own needs and well-being. As you develop a deeper understanding of what you need in a friendship, you’ll find that the people who meet those needs will naturally gravitate towards you. Embrace this journey of self-discovery and watch as your relationships and self-esteem flourish in ways you never imagined. You deserve to have friends who uplift you and contribute to your personal growth. Choose wisely, and build a circle of friends who inspire and empower you to be the best version of yourself.
